Living in a free country doesn’t mean that you are free!
If you are a Man then you must agree with us, and if you are not then your wife must be reading this with you. So tell her you are going for a fag, get out of that radar and read on. Today your idea of independence will be getting a makeover.
Let me tell you something. Since the day you’ve seen daylight, you have lost your will to ladies. When you were crawling and straddling and falling Mom was there to take care of the imbecile you, but then you started sitting on commode, putting on your own pants, wondering why dad had that black curly thing above his lips but you don’t, and then you started wondering why you had that flat oily hair parted on the right, why you had to wear the weird orange t-shirt, why was there two Mickeys on your shoes. The answer was simple boss, because it was her will. But that makes sense, because she brought you up, fed you the whole day, cleaned your dirty nappy, and helped you when you got stuck in the zipper! You are indebted to her and will remain so for the rest of your life, but what about your own will? Then you must have thought – “things will change when I’ll go to school”.
Yup, things change then, and it become worse.
You can’t play when you want, you can’t eat what you like and you can’t put your fingers wherever you want. You don’t want to know why Babur invaded India but you have to. You don’t want to smell that frog’s stomach but you have to. All because she had put you into a tunnel called school, and there was only one way out, forward. Sometimes you might have thought of playing a truant, but then your “Dimag ki Batti” helped you to understand what you would eat, where you would sleep, you had to come back to her, wagging your tail, keeping your tongue out.
And then you smartly thought “things will change when I’ll be in college”.
Yes, things change.
You enter college, that’s a cake. You are staying in hostel, a cherry on top of it. Mom is not following you anymore. Call her once a day, tell her that you are eating vegetables, studying a lot and not taking booze. She is over the moon and now you are a free spirit! Do whatever you want, the world is yours. Nobody will give a damn shit if you walk in your boxers in hostel corridors, or try a new weed every other day.
And somebody behind the clouds was smiling then. 😀
LOVE is like Candy Floss, it looks nice and fluffy, smells great, tastes even better, but after a few minutes you will feel the annoying stickiness all around your lips and hands. All of us are victims of it. So, You FALL in love. Then you think she is the one for you, start writing cheap verses that would sound appalling in future, and then you propose to her, she says yes, and the second phase of servitude commences.
– You will chop off your moustache, because she says it hurts.
– You will start having loooonnng telephonic conversations until the mobile explodes.
– Will start saving your pocket money because now you’ll have to pay for two phone bills.
– Even a single slang escapes from your mouth, or you tried to correct her in anything, or you are with your friends instead of her, you are gone brother, be prepared for sleepless nights.
– Suddenly you will start loving Chinese and puke on the sight of biryani.
– Will stand on the queue of “Jab Tak hai Jaan” and rent “Avengers” DVD.
– Will start buying lipsticks and nail polishes of colours (fifty shades of PINK!) you never thought existed.
– Will miss Champions League final because it’s time to call her.
Is it not enough spanking for you?
Get Married Soon!
You surely love seeing tigers, may even have wanted to cuddle them, but would you ever think of bringing them home?? NEVER!! But the same mistake you make when you marry your girlfriend. Now she knows what are the weak points of her prey, and the very free will of inner YOU now shifts from HDU to ITU.
– You can’t fart loudly.
– You can’t keep the toilet lid open.
– You can’t say that the curry is too salty.
– Surely you had dreams of trying those positions after marriage, right? Send them to grave.
– RIP Game of Thrones. Watch “Dia Aur Bati Hum” or Sanjeev Kapoor’s always smiling face instead.
– Snore once more. And she will strangle you.
Can you hear the bleeps of the ventilator now? Did we spoil a perfect Independence day plan for you? Enough of kite fighting and savouring mutton. Do something different this time. Be a MAN and tell us how would you shout against this lifelong slavery.
Till then excuse us, need to stand in the queue of Meat shop.
Author: Anirban Ghosh
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