“A belief which leaves no place for doubt is not a belief; it is a superstition.”
– Jose Bergamin (Spanish Writer, Essayist, Poet)
25th August, 2011
Breakfast is over. Checked my bag one last time and put the lunch box inside.
“Bye. Have a safe journey.”
Today I really need to reach office by 11:30. Yes, that’s the office time I usually maintain. My boss has now given up and he has stopped looking at his watch after seeing me. Achievement! A slow poisoning indeed. Although confused who finally gets poisoned at the year end!
After getting off the bus at college road crossing, I started waiting for auto. It takes 5 minutes from here to reach my workplace. “Dada, please 2 more minutes. Still 2 seats are vacant. RAJARHAAT RAJARHAAT”. One passenger has left by the time two arrived. The auto started. I’m sitting at the extreme left edge of the front seat. Auto driver is on right side and the middleman is having all fantasies to drive an auto virtually.
Hidco flyover is just 200 meters long. A speeding bus recklessly overtook us on the other side of the slope. “Oye sala bo*ach*da, are you blind?” the driver shouted loudly as he lost control of the auto for a moment. Bus conductor is also exchanging words from distance.
The auto is on 50km/hr speed when I suddenly saw the car in front of us is actually parked! Our driver turned his front wheel sharply and the vehicle got toppled over and all I could remember were sudden lightening flashes in my eyes and some banging metallic sounds.
The Blame Game:
– Whom have you first seen in the morning after waking up?
– Did anyone sneeze before you set out?
– Did any cat cross your path? Was it black?
– There was no mention of any accidental event this year in your horoscope. Strange!
– Can you remember any other bad omens on your way?
– Surely you got afflicted by evil eye. We need to take action quickly!
Coming Back To Life:
Yes I’m still alive. Very healthy and wise (Intentionally dropped the other word. Can’t trust the IT dept now!) Thanks to my colleagues who saved my ass and other remaining body parts that day. Special mention goes to a friend who literally cried over phone that night for not getting chance to help me as I didn’t inform him.
After recovering from external and internal wounds, I invited “Anari Minds” to answer above questions and what I realized made me look like a fool!
Tujhe Dekha To Yeh Jana Sanam:
I generally start my day by standing in front of the bathroom’s mirror. The person on other side of it starts his day by seeing my face. We share brush, paste and several “Jim Carrey” moments in the morning. Did he suffer the same consequences like me that day? Then who was the real unlucky one? A matter of debate!
Ruk Ja O Dil Deewane:
No one sneezed or called me from my back when I left home that day. For a moment let’s assume any of those happened. If I halted for a minute or two, would it have changed the entire process flow or time sequence equations of rickshaw -> bus -> auto and made the standing car moving? Come on; now don’t bug me with illogical “Final Destination” shits. I can roast it more than you.
“Meow” To Raste Se Ja Raha Tha:
Did you ever try finding out what happened to the cat whose path YOU crossed? How such day turned out for him (or her)? A survey tells that humans are more unlucky for cats than in reverse. We hope no extra effort is required to convince you on this. Our evil eyes have no mercy for no reason! You can keep arguing that cats have 9 lives and we have 8 less. But don’t ask if the mentioned survey was conducted by a feline community.
What’s Your Rashee:
We know astrology is a traditional practice. But, does an astrologer know every bloody secret of our lives? Can they explain now why Aztecs failed to replicate the movie 2012 into a reality? We lost a golden opportunity to feature in next Jurrassic Park movie on Human clones rejuvenating from a cockroach nestled in amber. Please don’t be a stoneman to bring back the Stone Age again! A humble request.
Hum Kale Hai To Kya Hua Dilwale Hai:
You say STOP RACISM. Then you ask if the cat was Black to measure the impact of bad omen. Then you put black dot on baby’s face to ward off evil eyes. Again, you demand your hubby to be fare and handsome and avoid the color black on your wedding dress. Then you wear black kohl in the D-day. Enough!! Don’t you hate yourself when you get confused like this?
Nimbooda Nimbooda Nimbooda:
Do we need to hang Lemon and Chillies charm to avoid evil spirits? Nope. Men will be Men! 😛
In ancient times, it was believed that the thread, which was used to pierce the lemon and 7 chillies, absorbed the juice and became pesticide to keep insects away. If you now want to honour the innocent insects as evil spirits, it’s entirely up to you.
Allah Ke Bande Hans De:
We believe in Almighty. We know fanatics will now attack us on all shits we discussed above. But, if a mother of a science student stops her son to have Rasgullas before exam, and compels him to see a glassful of water before leaving home, then only God can help us in this technically superstitious age.
Golmaal Hai Bhai Sab Golmaal Hai:
In 2011, a famous industrialist in Mumbai rejected his newly built $1 billion mansion as it had several “Vasthu” problems.
Our left hands itched and right eyes twitched when we finally cleansed the “Vasthu” of our souls by replacing the Superstitious minds with the free thinking “Anari” minds.
Come, let’s replace yours too!
PS – If you don’t share this post with 10 friends within 10 minutes, then a very bad time is on your way as we’ve kept 10 cats ready to cross your path next time. All are Black!
Author: Arijit Ganguly
Featured Image Source: flickr.com