“The secret of man’s happiness is an empty colon and a loaded commode.”
After fire and facebook, the third biggest invention of mankind was bathroom, probably the most coveted place in a man’s life, but sadly people seldom mention this. So we took our ostrich head out of the sand, and set out to give it the nod it deserves!
The place with size of a quarter of a bedroom acts as an altar to our alter-ego. Let’s roast its 10 avatars.
10. The Abbey Road Studio
Forget B minor or C major, whenever Arijit tries to articulate his vocal cords, the galaxy loses a star in shame. But he doesn’t feel awful, sits on the commode and tries out the notes, this time with head-banging, and now Beatles envy him!
“Bhebe dekhechhooo kiiiiiiiii, Tara rao jatoooo …………..
uhh….ohh….ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…(Relief, Ultimate peace!)
Alok barsooo dureeee………………”
P.S – Adding my own observation, those songs become sweeter with the echoes from walls and additional bass effects if you use a mug-mike!!
9. Moon-Walking In Opera House
Debatra loves the moves of Gangnam and wants to try those, but he is 40 now and dances like a chimpanzee. So what! He enters the secret stage and starts dancing under the shower and watches his silhouette. Who says “Elvis has left the building”!!
8. Green House of Wisdom
The moment I put my bum on the toilet seat, I become a “Mini Me” version of Socrates, immersing myself in deep and dark questions of life.
- Who am I?
- What am I doing in this earth?
- Are Pandas distant relatives of Zebras?
- Why the potholes in rainy season always take shape of a distorted love sign?
7. The Salon
Chhandak wants to keep himself clean, so he gets hair cut once a month. But, what about those other areas? That’s time-consuming and will-do-soon-but-not-today type of work and basically requires some advanced yoga moves to really get in there. And God bless him if his hand slips by mistake!
6. Chemical Lab
Sodium Laureth Sulphate, Butyl Phenyl, Hexylene Glycol, Tocopheryl Acetate, Hydrogen Peroxide………
Sounds like bits and pieces of biological weapon, but Manish thinks he has heard of them somewhere. Of Course he has, when the body is conspiring with gravity and dropping smelly stuffs of different sizes and shapes, he has nothing much to do, so he starts reading – the back of shampoo bottles, shaving cream, face wash, and some time even the toilet cleaner! Vidya Balan’s pic on Cocoanut oil is a bonus!
5. Mirror Mirror On The Wall
Arindam’s wife thinks he is the lost twin brother of Shrek, but he knows he has a deep resemblance to Brad Pitt, only if looking from his left side with head tilted at 39 degrees. It’s the piece of glass hanging from the bathroom wall that does the trick. It also delivers him Six-Pack abs, or shows him the location of that stubborn piece of chicken fibre.
4. Firing Range
They say never take your eyes off the target and Anirban has followed it with his heart. Since his childhood, he tried numerous shooting ranges – short, medium and long. No matter if it was a graffiti on the wall of school toilets or naphthalene balls in public lavatory, he never missed a single one. Improvisations also took place in the form of Malinga or Warne; pace and swing. He will keep it up (literally!!) until his prostate takes over.
3. The Power Bank
Was that Ogre of a Boss giving Abhimanyu a hard time, sodomizing him with audit reports and monthly targets? There is one less virulent thing that he can do apart from spitting into the Ogre’s coffee mug. So he hits the lavatory and shouts out loud! People outside think he is talking to his wife, using 50% “B” words in a sentence, and writing a word or two on the wall also.
2. Smoky Mountain
Remember when Prasenjit started on Fags? He didn’t want his dad to know (who would!), so he smoked his first cigg in the toilet and then opened the window. Then same thing got practiced in in-laws house and office. And became so duped in it that now for him the amount of smoke inhaled is directly proportional to the amount of yellow droplets coming out.
Look at the shy smile on your face! 😀 We knew you were waiting for this. Boss, it deserves to be in Number 1. You can’t deny that Thakur in Sholay starved till death for it.
Ting! New video received.
Hardik is running towards the safest place – Bathroom. Opens the tap. Khub jamega rang jab mil baithenge 3 yaar. Leone, main, aur ………………..!
Grow Up guys! Do we really need to elaborate this?!
PS: We have a No. 0 for you. It’s our duty to reward our daily readers with some bonus. Here it is. Normally, the interesting blog ideas come in our mind when we are naked – taking bath or responding to nature’s calls. Same thing happened in this case. After all, “Jahan Sonch, Wahan Shouchalay”!
Special Mention: Thank you Debatra for filling our bathtub with water!
Author: Anirban Ghosh
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